Archive for May, 2009

30
May
09

Night at the Museum 2: Battle for the Smithsonian (2/5)

If you read my site often, you know that I am usually pretty skeptical of sequels.  Some movies deserve/need them, but often times it feels forced to me.  I’m not saying all sequels are bad, sometimes they are better than the original.  (Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, etc.)  But sometimes a movie needs to be left as one picture.  Night at the Museum is one of those films.

I origiannaly came into the movie with low expectations, yet I was still dissapointed.  The original Night at the Museum was great.  Something children can appreciate, but adults can still enjoy.  However this sequel was not like that.  Sure it had its funny moments.  There were a few times I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna choke, but those times did not come by often enough to hide the fact that this movie is completely boring.  I would spend 2 minuits laughing, 10 minuits wondering when the film would be over, 2 minuits laughing, 10 minuits wondering if I should go get more popcorn or something…and so on and so forth.

I may have hated this movie, but I must keep in mind that it was not made for me….it was made for the kids.  This movie is filled with silly little gags and is constantly moving from gag to gag, so you don’t have to think about one thing for more than 3 seconds.  Perfect for children.

Overall, I would not reccomend this movie for anyone over the age of 13, however kids will love this movie, and if you have one, I suggest letting them watch it….cause it will distract them while you go in the other room and do something productive.

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30
May
09

The Fanfic – Part 4: Excelsior!

Ok, First of all I apologize for the delay, have not had the crazy amount of free time that I usually do.  (been busy dawg!)  But I have not forgotten about everyones favroite fanfic!  I’m sure you are at the edge of your seat with anticiaption, so without further ado: Excelsior!

When we last left out hero, James and Babcom were being beamed down to earth so that they might protect the oracle from the forces of evil.

“So, where is this oracle anyway, babs?”, asked James

“I have no clue”

“Wait, then where are we going?”

“We are going to meet our contace, he and only he knows the location of the oracle.”, explained Bab as they entered a Pizzaria.

“Is that shady looking guy in the corner with the big trenchcoat our contact?”, asked James.

“Um, no thats just a creepy drug dealer….that is our contact!”, said Bab as he pointed at a 17 year old boy with short black hair scarfing down pizza.

“Steven?  My brother is the secret contact?”

“Of course, who did you think we would be meeting, Sean Connery?”

“Well….”

“I got to go, My services are needed on Yavin 4, good luck James and May The Force Be With You!”

“Yeah, Live Long and Prosper, bab”, said James as he walked to Steven’s table.

“Hey Steven!  Babs said that you were supposed to take me to the oracle.”

“Yeah, hold on, let me finish this pizza first”

After Steven had finished the pizza, he took James to a small apartment in queens.

“This is the place”, he said as he knocked on the door exactly four times.  The door opened and inside James saw…

“Tobey Macguire?!”

“Uh, acually the name is Peter, you must be James, come in…I have been gaurding the Oracle”

As James walked in the apartment he heard a voice say “Hello True Believer!”

“Stan Lee?  Your the Oracle?!”

“Well, Duh!  Isnt it obvious?  I mean, the title of this episode is Excelsior!  You may as well have named it, The Fanfic Episode 4- Stan Lee is in this part!”, exclaimed Stan Lee.

“Good point…well, what are we supposed to be protecting you from?”

“That”, said Stan Lee as he pointed out the window.  James looked out and saw an army of supervillians marching to the apartment.

“Oh, Crap!  What are we going to do!”, asked James.

“I don’t know, its your story”, said Steven.

“Your right it is my story”, said James as he closed his eyes and concentrated, “suddenly an equaly sized army of superheroes appeared and started fighting the villains.”

“You know, you could have just made the villans dissapear”, said Stan.

“Yeah, but this is more fun to watch”

The battle was epic…Heroes and villians everywhere fighting for the fate of the universe.  Everyone was there, Spiderman, Thing, Dr. Doom, Hulk.  Even Doug Heffernan from the King of Queens was there…though he was not acually fighting so much as he was eating a giant pretzel.  Steven, who secretly posseses super strenght, tore through 7 sentenals, Iron Mongler, Green Goblin, Apocalypses and Scott Summers…though that last one was an accident. After hours and hours of awesomeness, the battel was over and the day was saved…or so they thought…suddenly all the survivors dissapeard and in their place stood one of the most powerful beings in the multiverse, Chuck Norris.  He started laughing maniacly as he said “To be continued….”

Why did Chuck Norris suddenly turn evil?  How will James defeat him?  Will he wait another 2 weeks before writing the next chapter?  Who knows?!  But the title of the next part is The Fanfic – Part 5: Now the story really does get ridiculous….

25
May
09

Memorial Day

I hope everyone has a great memorial day.  Please take the time today to remember those who have died in defense of this great nation.  I also think we should remember all those people who are in the military and those who have served and are still alive.  I would like to take this time to thank my step dad, Danny, for his 20 year service in the Air Force.

Oh, and on a side note, I apologize for the absence…I will finish my “Fan-Fic” along with publishing reviews for a ton of movies soon.

12
May
09

The “Fanfic” – Part 3: Star Trekkin’

 

When we last left off, Princess Peach had stolen the one ring of power and James had just been beamed abord the Starship Enterprise.

“Whoa!  How awesome!  Its the Enterprise, everything is so shiney!  And its the Next Generation to boot!”, James said.

“Slow down there, fanboy,” said Darkcloak, “This is not the time to freak out.”

“Indeed, the fate of the multiverse may rest upon your shoulders.”, Said Captain Picard.

“OMG!!! ITS CAPTAIN PICARD!!!  OH, PEN…PEN…WHERE IS MY PEN?  HERE IT IS, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?”, exclaimed a star struck James.

Picard gave James his autograph and James calmed down. Well, acually they had to sedate him a little, and then he calmed down.

“I am so sorry.  I am just such a big fan.”

“It’s ok, I’m used to it.  You should have seen Warf when he first met me.  Guy acually fainted.  But we have more inportant matters to discuss.  Come with me, we have a visitor from the past who would like to meet you.”

Captain Picard brought James, Earl, and Darkcloak into the confrence room where Spock was waiting for them.

“Leonard Nimoy?!  I was promised Zachary Quinto would be in this fanfic, and you bring out Lenord Nimoy?!  Ok, thats it!  I’m leaving!”, said Earl as he stomped out the door.  Darkcloak followed behind him.

“I’m sorry about them, they are, uh, new to the Trek universe.”, said James.

Suddenly Leonard Nimoy looked at James and said, “I am not Spock“.  Then he pulled off his mask, reveling that he was acally Babcom!

“Bab!  What are you doing here?” asked James.

“Oh, they called me down here to fix their computer.”

“Oh…well, why were you dressed as Leonard Nimoy?”

“To bug Earl and Darkcloak, why else?”

“Yeah, that was pretty good…so, are you going to help me Recover the One Ring of power and save the multiverse?”

“You mean this ring?,” Said Babcom as he held up the ring, “When the princess teleported to her ship, we intercepted the signal and brought her abord here.  We have her captured and I was just about to send someone to bring the ring back to Frodo.”

Just then, a random crew memeber came in and took the ring so he could give it back to frodo.

“Oh, well…great.  Now what?  Is the multiverse saved?  Do we win?”, asked James.

“No!  Its not that easy!,” said Bab,  “There are plenty of powerfull items, we just won one of them.  No, now we need to head to New York!”

— 

Why does our hero need to head to New York?  What powerfull item is there?  Why are you even reading this poorly written garbage?  The answer to two of these theree question awaits in the next exciting Part 4: Excelsior!

08
May
09

The “Fanfic” – Part 2: The Romance That Made No Sense

When our story left off, James was on his way to Middle Earth to see how he was needed. Upon arriving in the Shire, he noticed two familiar, yet unexpected, faces. It was Earl and Darkcloak.

“What are you doing here?!,” he said, “Especially you Earl. Aren’t you a little tall for a hobbit?”

“Pippin and Merry were getting tiered of doing these fanfics, so they hired us to take their place.”, said Earl.

“But Frodo and Sam are still here, right?”, asked James.

“Well…,” Darkcloak said in a hesitant tone, “Frodo his here but…well, Sam was trampled by Bill the pony.”

“What? But he was my favorite” cried James.

“Oh, He will survive, he just needs to stay in Rivendell for a while and rest” said Earl.

“Oh…well, Well, where is the Romance?” asked James

“What kind of a question is that?!”

“Well Darkcloak, if that’s your real name, the title of this chapter is The Romance that Made No Sense

“It is?”

“Haven’t you been reading your script?”

“No, he has been spending all of his time hiding things on the top shelfs so the hobbits can’t reach them”, said Earl as Darkcloak began to laugh maliciously.

Earl just sighed and said “Follow me” They walked to Bag End where Frodo was on his knee proposing to…Princess Peach.

“Will you marry me, Miss Peach?” asked Frodo as he handed the One Ring of Power to her.

“Frodo and Princess Peach?! I wrote the story and even I did not see that one coming!”

Peach took the ring and started giggling. At first it was the sweet laugh of a young girl in love, but it quickly changed into something far more sinister.

“Ha, you fools! Now I have the Ring of Power! With it, the forces of evil shall wield an unstoppable force!”

“Peach, your evil?” Said Earl.

“Of course I am, Bowser and I have been working together since the start. I’ve got that Mario character so whipped, that he keeps collecting Stars and Coins for me. Idoit even thinks he is saving me from Bowser.”

“Wait a second,” said Darkcloak, “That means that you really are Bowser Jr.’s mom….EWWWWWW!”

“I knew it! I knew you were secretly evil! A beautiful princess, and a plumber…it just did’nt add it up!” exclaimed James.

Suddenly, the Princess vanish into thin air.

“I was afraid this would happen” said Earl as he pulled out a communicator. “Beam us up”

“Hey, how come you have a communicator and I don’t?” asked James as he vanished.

Suddenly James found that he, Earl, and Darkcloak were abord the starship Enterprise.

Well, that wraps up this episode.  But be sure to tune in for the next chapter: Star Trekkin.

07
May
09

Trapped at the Drive-Thru

I found this video of weird al singing “Trapped at the Drive-Thru.  It is long, running at 11min and 8sec, but it is well worth it if you internet is fast enough to watch it.  This video is just plain hilarious.

07
May
09

The “Fanfic” – Part 1: It was bound to happen eventually

Well, it was bound to happen eventually.  I am a nerd with a blog and too much spare time, so it is inevitable that I write a fanfic.  But if I am gonna write one, then I want to write the best one ever.  So what will the subject be…Star Wars?  LOTR?  Prehaps a Mario fanfic…

No!  If this is going to be the greatest fanfic in history, it needs to be about ALL of them.  And you know what, I may as well make myself the main character.  Puzzah!  In fact, I think I am going to insert my other online comrades into the story.  Earl, DS, Bab, Iggy…that means you!  If you don’t want to be in the story, you had better tell me soon, because I am already thinking of your parts.

Well, time to get started!  Hope you enjoy the story!

It was late.  11:19 PM and James was still using the computer.  The only light in the room came from the laptop he held in front of him.  He quickly typed the last words of his post.  “Well, time to get started!  Hope you enjoy the story!” the screen said as James hit the publish button. Suddenly the screen flashed, blinding him.  As he regained his eyesight, he realize that he was no longer in his house.  He was standing in the middle of a desert, and Obi-Wan Kenobi was there.

“You must learn the ways of the force, if you are to come with me to aldere….I mean Middle Earth.”, he said.

“The Force?  Middle Earth?  What?!…I knew that I shouldn’t have eaten that pudding so late at night”, exclaimed a dazed and confused James.

“Huh? Oh, yes…silly me, I forgot”, Obi-wan said as he pulled out the script, “Oh yes…James, all of the evil forces in all of the universes, both fictional and non-fictional alike, have joined forces, and only you can stop them.”

“But why me?”

“I don’t know, its your story.  I am just following the script. Now come with me, I shall train you in the ways of the force”

They then proceeded to head uphill, to a small house in the desert.  There Obi-Wan trained James in the ways of the force.  It only took about 5 minutes, because James had already spent most of his teenage years trying to use the force anyway.  After the training was complete, Obi-Wan opened an old dusty box, and pulled out a lightsaber.

“This is your granny’s lightsaber, it is the weapon of a Jedi Knight, not as clumsy or random….blah blah blah, you know the drill.  Its a fancy laser sword, just don’t cut yourself!”

“My granny was a Jedi?!”, said James in amazement.

“Sure, why not?  She taught Yoda everything he knows.”, claimed Obi-Wan as he picked up the script again “Now go, you are needed in middle earth.”

“Wait, are you not coming with me?”

“No, I gotta rescue Luke from some sand people in about… 15 min”, said Obi-Wan as he looked at his watch, “now go!”

James then walked off into the sunset, wondering just how he was going to get to middle earth from Tatooine.

To be continued…

Ok, there it was!  Part one of my epic fanfic, and by epic I mean corny.  I hope you join me again as I make fun of fanfics and fiction in general in “The Fanfic – Part 2: The Romance That Made No Sense”





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