10
May
10

Zombies are People Too

Zombies marching for their rights...way to go guys!

Ok, lets say you are in Burger King eating a whopper.  Suddenly a zombie walks in.  Do you:

A. Tape a chainsaw to a rake and attack

B. Lock yourself in a basement and try to find a cure that will turn him into a human

C. Keep eating your burger

If you answered C, then you are a good person and can stop reading this article.  However, if you answered A or B, then you have Zombie Prejudices and should read on.

You see, when the zombie walked in, you made an assumption.  You assumed that he eats brains.  If he was in Burger King, chances are that the zombie just wanted a Whopper and diet coke.  Not all zombie eat brains just like how all blondes are not dumb and not all Irishmen are drunk potato lovin’ weirdos with great hair.

In fact, a recent study from the D.O.M.U.S.* estimates that only 1 in every 27, 000 zombies eat brains.  According to the same study, 1 out of every 5 zombies is a vegetarian.  Yeah, you don’t see zombies eating carrots on the TV often do you?

So why is Hollywood is anti-zombie.  Hollywood is all about the “beautiful” people and most zombies do not fit our current standards of beauty.  So Hollywood portrays them as ugly blood thirsty monsters.

By this point, I bet many of you are wondering about the Zombie Apocalypse and where that fits in.  This is actually just a misunderstanding.  Everyone knows that the ancient myans predicted that the world will end in a zombie apocalypse in 2012.  However, there was a translation error.  Instead of “Zombie apocalypse” it was supposed to say “Zebra apocalypse.”  The zebras are going to be what kill us all.  Them and their striped magic.

So next time you see a zombie, take him out to lunch.  Just make sure there is a salad bar wherever you are going, just in case he is a vegetarian.

*department of made up statistics

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5 Responses to “Zombies are People Too”


  1. 1 Patrick Brewer
    May 13, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    On top of that using the term zombie is offensive since they are human. We need to address discrimination based on aliveness, livism.

  2. May 14, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Was you high when you wrote this post?

  3. May 15, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    …no more than usual 😀

  4. 4 Patrick Brewer
    May 24, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Microsoft is apparently watching your blog. Have you seen the new Windows 7 was my idea commercial? If not, google Windows 7 zombies and watch the video.

  5. May 29, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    yet another idea that Microsoft has stolen from me…CURSE YOU BILL GATES! CURSE YOU!!!


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